Emotions

One of the most arduous trials of having cancer is dealing with the emotions that come with it. Fortunately and unfortunately, I’ve both had and seen someone with cancer and it’s not an easy stree to cope with. There will be times when you feel up in a great mood and other times you’ll feel in the dumps. Either way, it’s important to your healing process that you control your emotions and in the end, come out stronger in the end.

To show that it isn’t easy, but you’re not alone, here’s some emotions that I dealt with and my two bit about them.


Optimism:

This is what got me through it all. I told myself at the time of my diagnosis that I’d never give up, never give in, and would live to accomplish everthing I had ever wanted to do: school, college, a career, a family, the journey of life. I wasn’t going to lose that, so I kept a positive attitude and I do feel that this got me through to the end, not just making treatments easier, but making living with my condition possible.


I put this emotion first because whenever you’re feeling down, lonely, or angry, this is what’s going to get you through it.



Sadness/Anger:

I consolidated these two emotions into one category of emotions because everytime I felt one, I felt the other. These causes of these two emotions were the same.


Having cancer is a hard thing to accept. To me, it was definitely a slap in the face at the time. I asked myself, “Why me?” “What good could come out of this?”


Although it may be hard to believe, the answer for me was strength. I became much stronger and had a lot of personal growth through the experiences I had with cancer, strength and growth I never would have had without them. I learned from my experiences just as anybody learns from their mistakes.


Making it through every treatment, every day is an accomplishment and no small feat at that. Be proud of that; It’s empowering to feel proud! My girlfriend, whom I appreciate so much for helping me get through tough times, constantly reminds me of how strong I am. I’ve always thought she was just flattering me because I’m good looking, but I’ve looked back on everything I’ve done and been through and realized that I’ve accomplished so many things that I don’t think I would’ve without having the experiences I did with cancer. It’s like I know after I’ve beat that adversity, nothing else seems like a challenge. It’s inspirational to me and to others.


Remember that everything you do is inspirational to others.

After that, it’s hard to be sad or angry.


I guess I’ve gotten off the beaten path.

The way I coped with these emotions, when I wasn’t too sick to consider them (which happened a lot during my intensive therapy stage), was I talked it out. Normally people say talk it out with family and you definitely should, but I also feel it’s just as important to talk to someone on the outside, to get a fresh breath of feedback from someone who isn’t emotionally effected by your condition.



Lonely:

It’s likely that at some point in your journey you’ll find yourself feeling isolated and alone because this is an adversity that, out of the people you know, maybe only you have. Don’t forget that you’re not. We, other survivors and patients like me, are out there. Maybe we’re not next door, in your neighborhood, or in your circle of favorite people, but we are out there going through similar experiences. Don’t be afraid to reach out, even if you just want to say hello. You can make friends who can emphasize and tell you how they dealt with their experiences. It’s always nice to make a couple of new friends.


I have to say, I was lucky enough to have someone who loved and cared for my through my treatments for the whole run, a good three years. That’s not something I could ask from anybody, but they did it anyway.

I mention this, because it’s important to look around you, at everyone around you. All those people are there because they care. Don’t forget that; They around so you don’t have to be alone.

Self Pity:

This is something that took me a couple of years to develop after having cancer. It’s hard not to feel sorry for yourself because of the unique and terrible situation you’re in, but it’s also not what gets you through the day in the end.

For example… I just recently felt pity for myself. I tore some tendons in my feet, couldn’t walk, had to take a term off of school, and felt like I’m way too far behind where I would’ve been if I hadn’t had cancer. I looked for ways to escape from my pain by struggling to do more, to accomplish as much as possible in as little time as I could. This stressed me out so bad, I ended up hurting other I loved and myself.

What I should’ve focused on were healing, doing what I could, and using my time off to rest and enjoy myself.

So don’t pity yourself as I did. It becomes a waste of time when you could be enjoying what you have around you.

Guilt:

I remember one of the strongest emotions that I experienced a few weeks after being diagnosed with cancer being guilt. The financial and emotional stress I put on my family was exorbitant and because of it, I felt like a burden to them. It took time and some professional help before I realized that the situation that was created was out of my hands and I held no responsibility for it.

Everybody feels guilt for doing something they shouldn’t do or when doing something wrong, but remember that having cancer wasn’t your choice, nor would you have wished it on any other. When you realize this, you can begin your emotional healing.

Happiness:

After dealing with every other emotion associated with having cancer, you’ll be extremely thankful for those moments you’re feeling happy.

Remember that even through adversity, you’re still alive. It may be hard at first to find happiness in this, but look into the experiences you do have and try to derive joy from them. In the end, you’ll find that it was worth the extra effort.

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